I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
