i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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