your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
