I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
