every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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