i jhust puked up my retainher.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
