The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
