a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
