You can't motorboat a personality
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
PANTIES FOUND
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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