Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
