I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
