let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
