How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
