are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
