My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
