I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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