Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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