I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
