Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
