yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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