so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
