I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
nutella sex= disaster
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
