so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
