Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
