I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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