You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Floor bacon is actually really good
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
