You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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