If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
