He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
