I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
