Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
