I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
