You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
