His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
