I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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