I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
