when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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