Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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