yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
