the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
