I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
