im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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