Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
