we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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