This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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