Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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