at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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