If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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