??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
