do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
