Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
jump out the window naked night went bad
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