it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
