I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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