can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
