He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
